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For the love of want…

There was a time in my life when we didn’t have much.  Go back to my later childhood and there are memories of divorce…rooms without furniture…thin Christmases…birthdays with no celebrating…no cakes…no presents…a house missing window panes that we couldn’t afford to replace…rotting walls…septic that didn’t work…no air conditioning (in Texas)…lots of times we couldn’t afford propane…a pantry that often got empty…years that school clothes that came ONLY from yardsales….Ok I could go on and on.  There’s so much more to tell, worse to tell.  Those stories have only been heard by my husband and aren’t the point. 

Then there are the years after I first married.  Much better than my childhood but still I was embarrassed by my home.  Mismatched furniture…milk crates…crappy cookware….the usual most people go through when they first start out.  And so I wanted.  I’ve always wanted.  One of my favorite things to do was look through the Sears catalog growing up.  That never changed.  Well the catalog did, but my love of catalogs didn’t. 

I still get tons of catalogs.  I enjoy them more than magazines.  I still want. 

Today I look around my home and I don’t see anything lacking though.  No I don’t have granite countertops and wood floors.  Not everything in my home is top scale.  BUT it’s comfortable.  It’s cozy.  We have enough space for everyone in our family.  Everyone has a bed.  No one is sleeping on a secondhand mattress even.  Our furniture mostly goes together.  Everything here is uniquely “us”. 

If I was to try and make a list of things we needed, I couldn’t do it.  We don’t really NEED anything.  Of course I want….I want a better blender, but the one I have works fine….I want a better food processor, but I don’t NEED one…I want new pots and pans so I can discard all my “non-stick” kind, but there’s no rush…I want new clothes, but I still manage to cover my body daily without too much effort…I want tons of cute clothes for my daughters, but they’re happy and excited to dress themselves in what they own…I want cool clothes for my son, but he couldn’t possibly care less how fashionable he is or is not…I want to give my husband his wants, but he has none except to be here with us.  He can’t even make a birthday list…my son either. 

My daughters, however, want everything!  LOL  They see an infomercial and they don’t even have to know what it is (ie, Furniture Fix, Shamwow, eye drops, wart remover, style snaps….everything) and they want it.  It’s funny now, but I worry that they’re going to grow up with my sense of want.  I’ve got to find some way to change that. 

So one of my new focuses is going to be “want” VS “need”.  We’re not hoarders.  We (my daughters and I) love to give just as much as get.  I’m going to try to retrain myself.  Maybe in the process, I can break the cycle.  My children have never known “need”.  They don’t need to grow up carrying any more of my baggage than I can help.  We all pass on a little, but isn’t it our job to try and reduce it as much as possible?


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